(Abandon) hope

It has been a difficult week amid a difficult several months. I have to ponder on the point of hope as so many people have been telling me I must hold on to it. Maybe its a kind of transference or a kind of denial, hope as a transaction that spares someone of a loss or an unkind acknowledgement. I say unkind because my life has been full of kindnesses. Security, recognition, possibilities, love. Foreclosures are unkind. They obviate dignity, they steal from the poor, they wander off track without a map back or forward. Sometimes you can get by. I am not sure I will though. I am not made of the stuff of compromise or adjustment. I have limited patience. I don’t want to change. As much as I hate uncertainty, I hate this more. The certain, already happened, cannot be fixed, demise of things. All except me. I am trapped in demise, but not going anywhere soon.

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