goodbye

My mom and brother had to leave this morning and I feel so awful about it i am beside myself. i don’t want them to go. i feel devastated to say goodbye.


everything is so awful  but it doesn’t end. i want it to end. now some kind of bowel obstruction. painful. makes me sick. cough much worse. fear of smothering. no world left. can’t think about the world. stopped caring. am afraid to take it into my hands. don’t know how. afraid to make it worse. wish i could be in induced coma with propofol, then finished off. fast. without more pain. no more fear. no more gasping for air in panic. just done.

L sent this link. i guess i still care about some things.


Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s