likely my last entry. can’t be sure. but want to get this down. thinking about it since palliative doctor, C’s visit. i asked for propofol sedation as this drug i know and it kicks you out totally and without thoughts. she said it was illegal in uk. this is illogical. i didn’t say kill me with it, even though i think they should just sedate me with a drug i can tolerate that won’t leave me looking sedated to outside world, buy in terror in my head.
i am angry beyond measure. C said well the law is trying to protect people from feeling pressure to die. Well fuck that because it is fine with forcing people to live in suffering. why is that pressure ok? and to the so called ‘disability rights’ activists who oppose assisted dying. i want to say to you that you are all selfish assholes. This is not about you. its about people like me who are in fact dying. everything is not about you. this is not a euthanasia issue, i am dying anyway. it is no more euthanasia that abortion. this is my body and my rights over it. you claim this for yourselves but deny it to others to serve your paranoia and issues that are not germane to this situation. get over your damned selves. you aren’t entitled to other peoples lives. like the anti abortion lot, you are moralising, selfish people who think the world should be defined by you. if you don’t want assisted dying for yourself. then don’t ask for it. you stupid awful people. i suspect i am not the only person like me hates your guts and hopes you are cursed to your own stupid politics. i hope somehow this message gets to you. you are bad people. and someone is telling you this to your faces. maybe you could think about what i am saying. though i doubt you will. i hate you even more than the vacuous oligarchs and religious types who also oppose assisted dying because of equally specious politics. it won’t affect them. or they think people should be forced to live to spare them grieving or facing that people die (I’m speaking to you giles fraser – whose writing i mostly like – but you are criminally wrong on this issue). but the disability rights people — i support your rights for self determination. so the lack of reciprocity enrages me.
so my last words are not nice. they are angry.