from an article in the guardian today
I now recognise that the whole project of sharing our Christmas was flawed, and it taught me a salutary lesson. It taught me something about what could be termed benefaction. Caring can lead us to expect the objects of our care to be gracious in their receipt of our largesse, to accept unreservedly our support; essentially, to know their place.
And when they don’t, when the victim refuses to submit to their victimhood, when they insist instead on retaining ownership, they challenge our charity and we take offence. What I learned, that shameful Christmas, is that charity, care, whatever you call it, is essentially a two-way process, in which the recipients may be victims to us, but they are desperately seeking to restore the selfhood that the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have eroded.
That is their right and, while we are distributing the Ferrero Rocher, it behoves us to pay attention. There’s a lesson for the 1% in there somewhere.”
AND A LESSON FOR THE HOSPICE CHARITY MOVEMENT TOO. ITS WHY K FINDS ME SO OBJECTIONABLE AND BULLDOZES THROUGH MY EXPRESSED INTENT TO KEEP OWNERSHIP OF MY LIFE AS AGAINST HER COMFORT ZONE. THEY GET OFFENDED AT MY INTERROGATION OF THEIR ILLOGICS. AND ARE FRUSTRATED BY MY FIGHTING TO KEEP MYSELF IN MY OWN TERMS INSTEAD OF GRATEFULLY SUBMITTING AS A COMPLIANT PATIENT. THEY WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING. AND I MAKE THAT DIFFICULT.